New Year's Update

2006 is out 2007 is in. Lately I've been working. My job. On a movie, and on this blog. I've seen that in the past month or so I've had 200 visits from people locally,oregon,france, spain, and morocco. How I got that much press is beyond me. So to all you, thank you. Click my google powered ad. I get 10 cents a click. Koz and I worked on something the other night that will make its way up online in the next few weeks so keep your eyes peeled. Some other blog worthy notes of 2006 - I can drink more milk than Beavis. However, I can't puke as easily. (video on the way in the coming weeks) - I ate more sushi that Rory. It burned him, because the whole time he was saying "I can eat more than you, which means I'm better at life than you!" - Bill is "an artist on the bowl" - I have support from an accredited History teacher, and a Russian guy at work. Rocky IV ended the Cold war. weak post I know. I'm spent for 2006, more stuff on the way in 2007 stay tuned.

Truth Hurts

• http://abcnews.go.com/Business/story?id=2714761
• (Regarding the above link)
• (the Names have been changed to protect the innocent/integrity)
• J^: sounds like the doll is broken
• Me: ya, i didnt understand wut it was sayin, i didnt hear slut though
• J^: no me neither. at some point it sounds like the batteries run out and it adds a syllable that could kinda sound like slut if you needed or wanted it to, but it sounded more like "uhhhhhckght" to me
• Me: ya
• Me: sounded like a mermaid chokin on a cack
• J^: yep, exactly what i was thinking
• J^: "get that penis out of your mouth so I can hear you say the word slut, miss"
• Me: A WHOLE NEW URRRRRRRRRRRRGH
• Me: YOU CAME IN MY MOUTH??!??
• J^: hahah "how can you fuck me, im a fish?"
• Me: in the mouth fish face
• J^: haha
• Me: BLOG!
• J^: oh god
• J^: hahah
• Me: ?
• J^: i'm just embarrassed to see my profanity on your blog
• Me: so
• Me: ill Put J^
• Me: so no one will know
• J^: "john koziol is embarrssed" nah do it
• thats it until I have some actual material.
• Back to watching Parenthood

Glen Vs. Spike's Round 1

First and formost..... A Prom Night Reenactment

While at work at Saturday Barry and I were talking about shooting a scene for our up coming movie Lawson:White Heat when Barry mentions he would also like to hit up Spike's for hot dogs. The idea was appealed to Glen. Glen found out that if you eat 6 hot dogs from Spike's you can have your picture posted on the wall and you get a T-shirt. As finishing 6 dogs in an hour an a half with out puking,leaving the store or drinking anything but water is no easy task. So after filming. I met up with Glen,Barry, and Koz went to Spikes. We all place orders except for Glen. Glen is reviewing the rules and heavily debating His move. While we were in there and Glen was questioning this idea some Northeastern Douche (see right) had just finished his T-shirt winning hot dog run and gave Glen words of encouragement. So with delight young Glen made the request to partake in the challenge. At about 938 the delivery of 6 hotdogs, and 1 bottle of water were delivered and time counted down. Here you see a picture of Glen about to endulge in his first all beef Spike's junkyard dog. Glen finished his first dog and was feeling good. He had a sense of accomplishment. 1 dog down, 5 to go.

#2 Glen started his second hot dog shortly after finishing the first one. At this point we hear that Tommy and Egan are coming. John, Barry and myself are talking about the movie and other stuff and having a ball. Barry keeps reminding Glen to pace himself. Two gone!

WAY TO GO Glen!

Hot Dog the 3rd

We are approaching the halfway point in Glen's quest for super-hero status. Egan shows up and starts to take Glen under his wing and coach him. He lays out a strategy and keeps the motivation up.

We see here the last of the 3rd hot dog.

And here is a successful Glen after 3. Half way to a free t-shirt and a polaroid picture on the wall of Spike's

#4

Hot Dog #4 started off strong, Then Glen started slowing down and taking his time. With 45 minutes left or so he wasn't taking his time. Under the advice of Coach Egan, and Barry, Glen got up and started to walk around trying to work out some room in his stomach. The rules state once he enters the competition he can not leave the store. So he saunters to the front window and back. Stopping along the way to draw inspiration from Uncle Sam and the Good Ol' Stars and Stripes.

* Note this wasn't taken from the Gwen Stefani "Harijuku Lover's" tour.

At this point in the night things slow down. More people start showing up. Including The Giggler(left of Glen, center 2nd picture) from Death Wish 3 came in and took a seat behind Glen. Glen worried the Giggle may steal his dogs starts to go into heavy thought. Glenn is now starting to slow down. His thought process is coming to a snail's pace. He isn't sure if he wants to continue. Cue Coach Egan.

Glen says "I'm getting full man, I can't do it. I can't"

Egan replies "Well, I've actually heard, that when you feel full, there is actually room for TWO more hot dogs."

A hearty laugh was had by all. We then start talking about a movie idea about a competitive eater and his coach, and various scenarios. After taking his time, and the notification he has 30 minutes to finish the last two dogs. Glen finishes #4. and contimplates his situation

Barry, On the phone...possibly with the media?

&

Glen remorseful for what he is putting his psyche, body and soul through during this Iron Man event. Moments before starting on .....

#5

With victory 2 hot dogs away Glen starts getting psyched out by... Glen. Staring deafeat in the eye, he is feeling full and doesn't know if he can continue to WILL himself to eat more hot dogs. He has half hour or so left and 2 hot dogs. He finished the other 4 in an hour. Thats 15 minutes per dog. He has no time to waste here. He is 30 minutes away from a T-shirt and a picture on the "TOP DOG" Wall

1 episode of The Cosby Show worth of time is between normal Glen, and triumphant Glen. A Glen not bogged down by the limits of conventional hot dog consumption, but a Glen who proved to the world a small kid, a teenager, of a slight 120 pounds can hang with the big fat dudes who eat 10+ dogs, men the size of bread trucks, and some skinny little bitch. And hippies and hipsters who go "veggie dog"

ENTER COACH EGAN, MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER!

Egan starts to boost morale by talking to Glen, telling him he can do it. Egan tries to get inside what's psyching Glen out. I say something to the effect of "Mind over matter , Glen. No Guts. No Glory"

Glen retorts with "My body won't let me do it, man"

Egan then asks this epic question of the ages "Who's incontrol of your body, your mind or two hot dogs?"

Glen then takes a quick bite of a hot dog.The Giggler leaves.Glen then goes into a deep philisophical internal debate. "Who's incharge? Me or 2 Hot Dogs?"

As this is going on I get up and get myself a Chili Hot Dog and sit down and eat. In a way sympathizing with Glen. Riding along side him. Pushing him toward greatness. Tommy has arrived and sits down to enjoy the last leg of Glen's epic battle vs Spike's. Glen being the good sportsman and performer takes another few bites of the 5th dog to give Tommy something to hold on to for the rest of his days.

With Coach Egan watching his back. Glen stops. And with only a few minutes and about 1 whole hot dog and 5/8 of another remaining Glen throws in the towel. After putting his mind, body, and spirit to the test he gives up while the giving is good. He stops before he reviews the contents of his stomach all over the booth. A smart man he calls it quits after a solid performance.

Glen is overjoyed he can end this grueling test.He offers up the last full Dog to Tommy. Tommy eats the dog. then Glen covers up the remnants of a dog. He does this and calls out to the guys behind the counter to stop the clock and a roar of applause and praise overtake the small hot dog shop on Boylston Street.

As we were wrapping up the notion of me drinking a gallon of milk in an hour was brought to light. Beavis was phoned and things were set to go on shortly after departing Spike's. Thats another story for another time.....

Thoughts on Charlie Cards/MBTA

• Koz: what the hell, theres a thing on the mbta page that says six days till charlie arrives
• Koz: my uncle didnt kill them in the jungle so they could run our public transit system
• Me: i hope they have a guy dressed as "charlie" to promote it
• Me: and people will spit on him and say"you're too slow, you suck"
• Koz: hahahah
• Koz: maybe all the stations have it by the end of the week?
• Me: and he'll have a breakdown every hour
• Koz: HAhahah
• Koz: BRILLIANT
• *edited for errors

Indian Elvis, Bums, and more

So I came up with a new movie idea. G.I. Juggalo, Imagine if you will a fat kid with an eye brow ring, and ICP face paint trying to reason with terrorist foreigners. So at one point in the last two weeks I was at work as usual. I was called up front for some reason, usually I get called up from the basement to go downstairs and find something. Why they don't call me on the phone in the stock room is beyond me. I get upstairs and one of the cashiers tells me that there is a bum passed out infront of the door. I proceed to walk over to him and tell him to wake up and leave. No response, so I yell. No response. So I lean forward cup my hands near his ear and yell. He half opens one eye and goes back to sleep. Then I repeat only louder, and tell him to leave. He starts getting up and leaving and asks 30 people around him for a cigarette. At that point some old guy comes over and starts talking to me. "Its a shame man, people can get that way.You can try to help but what good is it." and I dont really care what the guy is saying so I just nod my head and talk a half step toward the door. He then says "Ya, I'm a recovering alcoholic for 23 years. I feel for these people ya know, I tried to help this one girl once, she was passed out it was raining and the middle of the night and I was leaving my job so I stopped and put her in my car and took her to my house"....at this point I wait for him to tell me he then killed her or hid her body or something so now I start looking back into the store and take a step towards the door, cuz I dont care what hes saying, and I wanna go back to the basement. He says "I told her to shower, eat, get cleaned up and Ill take you intown in themorning" then he said he went to sleep on his couch on the first floor and she was in the bedroom on the thirdfloor. BLAH BLAH BLAH I DONT CARE.... Then he says "I woke up, she was gone, and my wallet was emptied, she stole $3000 from me" No I make another big step towards the door trying to ditch him and he follows me and then he says "And I'll be damnedm the next day I was walking by right there" takes his hand out of his coat pocket and I see one of these fucking things pointing across the street At this point Im done listening and looking around trying to end the conversation.He rambles on another minute or two and stares down the street and says "I Gotta go" and walks off. He Ditched me, before I could ditch him. WTF. I go back in the store thinking about what had happened. A drunk,possible rapist, with one hand just did the classic "Oh... I gotta go" and rushed off thing to me, while I was trying to do that to him. On top of that, he was in the store 20 seconds after I walked in and was there for a while. I Dont know what Planters Corn Nuts are exactly, but they are crunchy and good. And $1 Earlier this week I was leaving work getting on the train at downtown crossing. I went through the turnstyles, down the stairs to the platform, and I took a left at the bottom of the stairs and almost walked into GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSS He does this move like hes conducting an orchestra or trying to hug a huge bear. Well his arms were on the swing back to give a hug and if I hadn't stopped where I did, I woulda been trapped by the GOT ANY SPARE CHANGE BUM and I think he would have trapped me like a venus fly trap until I paid him to let go. I got my haircut last weekend at Sebastians in Roslindale. I was sitting there late Saturday afternoon last in line, minding my business when this lady opens the door and asks "You guys got any coffee in here?" The old Italian immigrant barbers looked at her like "WTF? Its a barbershop" after they said no, she trailed in a parade of three tards. The first immediately seeing a coffee cup on the table and screaming as high as I have ever heard any one scream and storming across the room more powerful than a pro football player. She tried to grab him and he dragged her across the room( she was a hefty woman of about 300 lbs, and this guy was maybe 6 feet tall and 120 pounds...retard strength?) SO after she gets him to leave and calm him down, the barbers hide the cups, and they re-enter the establishment. Only now the guy wont stop screaming and he's looking around frantically. I get seated to get my hair cut, and the screaming continues. The screamer guy is sitting next to me and screaming. There is a tv on with some college football game on, and the guy is watching and screaming. The vinnie babarino barber cutting his hair said "you must got money on the game too, sounds like more than me. UNC wont cover the spread, I feel ya man" The guy is screaming still as I paid and left.

Borat's shelf life.

I have a sense that Borat's shelf life is 2 weeks after the movie come to theaters. Then it will go the way of Napoleone Dynamite, Family Guy, and or Austin Powers, and find an annoying resurgance of catch phrases upon the DVD release.I have 0 desire to see the movie, and 0 desire to be part of Borat mania. YEAH BABY

Halloween Party

So my roommates and I decided to have a little suare for All Hallow's Eve. A few weeks of planning, some carved pumpkins, and a ton of beer later the party came and gone. In May or so Bill and I were at my other apartment watching South Park the movie, and we were laughing alot at Terrence and Phillip, two Canadian comedians who fart on each other. We were dying with laughter and I said " BILL! This is our Halloween costume!" A few weeks ago the idea of having a party was mentioned, and I told Bill we can be Terrence and Phillip. He agreed with excitement. So after doing a google search worth of searching for a costume, I just decided I can make the costumes myself. So, I did. Here you see the raw materials, 2 stencils, and a sheet of cushion foam. I made a total of 3 masks. 1 prototype and 2 actual ones, and i still have 2 squares of the foam, so if you add up actual product. I made 2 costumes for 4$ Here you see the first mask after stenciling and cutting. Below you see Bill as Phillip and I as Terrence. I couldn't quite get the flip top head done. But some people got the idea, namely people who know who Terrence and Phillip are. Job well done I'd say. Alicia as Milhouse George as a Samurai Tommy as Captain Fun/ Captain Ron? Barry and his lovely date, Nina All in all it was an awesome night, other people showed up. Beavis tried to sneak into Bill's room and molest him. Other people showed up from my work. Abdi and Joon both enjoyed Barry's date Nina with Barry. Nothing was broken, or stolen. John Koziol had a mask with orange letters that said stupid. I drank a couple beers, no beer... chili and called it a night. I also drank a beer through a straw through Nina's love tunnel. George has a cereal box thats the box Nina came in . Couple hours until Alice Cooper,I'm going to be sitting here watching AMC all day cuz they have been showing horror movies all week and that makes me happy.

Whiskey in the Jar-o

So over the past week or so there has been a few mystery aromas at work. I have a low thresh hold for offensive odors. First behind the front check outs it smells like someone killed an elephant and rammed a dead skunk up its asshole, the proceeded to shit all over it. After that went away, the soda display started smelling like bologna, then like feet I think, but other people say "rotten apples" either way it stinks and I hate it. OHHHHH I get it, My Chemical Romance are supposed to be marching band people... ITS A BLACK PARADE...those silly geese. Hey....maybe you should write good music people will remember you for, not have some chitzy gimmick instead. I had at work the other day. It was awesome and a quarter I've been watching tv and there are 2 commercials that bother me. 1) Rattle and Ride Pooh... something just doesnt sound right about that 2)The Giggle Tool bench... Giggle Tool... Blow jobs are sexual Fellations.... Any one going to be watching the college football VAGASIL BOWL Dec 10? I started work on the Terrence and Phillip Costume tonight. I have a prototype head. Its looking very good so far I called it a night about 20 minutes ago. I need 2 ovals for the eyes and the template is done. Tommorow is the Halloween party, hopefully people show up, and hopefully I take some pictures. Im excited this year. Last few years the Halloween season was a bust for me. Couple Parties, No Parties....Boring. Either shitty costumes, shitty parties, no parties, and just sitting around. Pretty lame. This year has been busy and fun so far. I went to a haunted house last night, waited almost an hour and a half, walked through a haunted house in about 20 minutes and was happy. I wish Halloween didn't sneak up as fast as it did. Even though it didn't I just had no Halloween activities planned. Maybe I'll through a Halloween themed party in February or March for no reason. I'm punching out

things that aggrivate me

Ok...so it's been a few years since I've written down things that annoy me. - Wearing sport coats, over street clothes. Like wearing a baseball hat, jeans sneakers, and a t-shirt with some non-descript screen printed shirt and a sport coat. You still look like a douche hipster. - Tampon commercials with girls who are too close to each other giggling and one or any number of them KICK the air or do the generic boxing thing where they put their dukes up and take a couple jabs at the air. Like some subliminal message of being empowered, or fighting off their period or something. -Face painting at carnivals, fairs, festivals etc. -When people try to make a joke by being mean or mildy offensive, then before the other person has a chance to compute what was said the offender says "Just kidding" Either wait for the person to fall for what you are saying then let them know you are kidding, or dont say it at all. Hearing a person say just kidding every time they open their mouth trying to be funny is annoying as hell. -I am around more people than I can count during the day... which means I am around more people who don't wear deoderant than I care to think about. Seriously, more people are out there smelling like a steak and cheese sub or burrito with a splash of cabbage than you realize. -WBCN needs to update their playlist. We aren't in the middle of the Grunge explosion. Shit that was big 12-15 years ago is in constant rotation on WBCN.All the Ex-frat guys/Current Investment Bankers,Political Analysts, and Business Admins have to stop calling in and requesting Pearl Jam, U2, Nirvana, and Soundgarden all fucking morning. -When a train pulls up, step aside and let passengers off so room is made inside the car. Dont swim against stream and hold everyone up trying to get off the train, its a pain in the ass and it doesnt help matters if you stink like shit and breath with your mouths open. -People who buy 50$ worth of used silverware from Savers. -People who buy second hand underware from Savers -Skirts and Tights. What are you retarded? I'm going to start wearing shorts over my pants, because Teen Cosmo did a "8 super looks that will get him to notice you" article. -Homeless people -Homeless people who steal -Homeless people who steal Listerine -Homeless people who steal Listerine and think they arent being watched -Homeless people who steal Listerine and think they arent being watched and get caught -Homeless people who steal Listerine and think they arent being watched and get caught and deny they stole -Homeless people who steal Listerine and think they arent being watched and get caught and deny they stole, then admit to it and are kicked out -Homeless people who steal Listerine and think they arent being watched and get caught and deny they stole, then admit to it and are kicked out, and return an hour later and steal again -When I know I should be asleep for at least 2 and a half hours,and I'm falling asleep but I'm fighting it to stay awake, and do nothing, cuz I'm afraid I'll miss something really bothers me Thats it for now

Halloween

I have a hard on for Halloween So I decided that I'm going to try to fabricate these costumes for Bill and I I have an idea, but I'm trying to get it right. Its hard to make an Egg shaped helmet out of paper for a template....and TEMPLATES ARE MY LIFE Wednesday is movie meeting night. Thursday I'm going to a haunted mansion, Friday I'm going to try to put together the costumes, and Saturday is the party. Sunday is Alice Cooper, Monday is dumb, and Tuesday is Halloween the movie on Halloween the night. Busy stuff coming up. Its already almost November, time flies when your a useless asshole not in school living the dream of a career CVS employee. I could be making 80,000 a year