Some time last week I was at work and ready to eat. I weighed my usual options, when the ad campaign for the Volcano Taco from Taco Bell ran through my mind. I started asking my self deep philosophical questions like "Do Volcano Tacos cause Lava shits?". I set out to find out for myself that afternoon. I gathered my belongings , said my goodbyes to co-workers, and walked out the door hoping to answer a burning question.
I got to my sky blue, dented, early model,sensible,fuel efficient,not so flashy, 
Japanese imported sedan, opened the door and turned on some local talk radio. I motored my way to the closest KFC/Taco Bell combo near my place of employment. I fought my way through mid-rush hour traffic, with the sun flaring in my face as I drove westward I approached the KFC/Taco Bell parking lot. The overwhelming fumes of freshly layed asphalt and diesel commanded my attention as I noticed the street was blocked off right in front of the KFC/Taco Bell with construction vehicles, dump trucks, front loaders, steam rollers, police details, and numerous laborers in bright orange and electric yellow green shirts. Pickup trucks with trailers of tools, shovels, machines, rakes and other paving implements filled the Taco Bell parking lot.
I started to 
get nervous that the Taco Bell would be packed, or out of Volcano Tacos and I would have a failing mission to deal with. I found a parking spot for my sky blue, dented, early model,sensible,fuel efficient,not so flashy, Japanese imported sedan. I entered and was only 2nd or 3rd in line behind some gruff looking biker guy and two incredibly obnoxious 14 or 15 year old mop topped stoner kids wearing women's jeans,striped sweatshirts and big sneakers. Both little hipster pricks in Hurley brand skater crap were opting for the Volcano tacos. I figured that if those two little shits can handle Volcano tacos between skating sessions and constructing pipes out of apples and empty coke cans weren't shitting their brains out, I could handle the Volcano taco as well. I waited patiently on deck as the shitheads were issued their receipts and change. I was up to bat now with my order ready to go. Two Volcano tacos and 1 large soda.
I received my soda, was issued a # and receipt. I took the few moments I had before my food was ready to get my fill at the soda fountain. I walked over, cup in hand to a soda machine that smelled like feet. I recognized this smell as soda that has been spilled, not cleaned and thus fermented from my days from working at CVS. I held my breath and continued to fill my cup as my number was called.
I went to the counter and picked up my two freshly made Volcano tacos and headed out the door
to my car to eat. I sat in the parking lot watching the busy bustling of a paving crew wrap up the last job of the day.I opened the bag and retrieved my first potentially butt busting taco. I examined it, and found that there is a minimal amount of meat and 
other toppings. Just a red taco shell, a spoon full of ground beef, the fiery cheese sauce shredded cheese and lettuce. I started eating the 1st one and was done in about 30 seconds. It was not as the ads suggest, my ears did not release smoke nor did I spit flames or turn red with heat. The fiery cheese sauce was just like the Tostito's queso dip with some taco seasoning, an epic let down. I opened the second one and inspected it closely as well. I figured the first puny taco was just a fluke, but my fears were confirmed, a 79 cent taco has just enough meat, and toppings to consider it a taco. I consumed it just as quickly as the first. I took a few sips of soda and hit the road back to work to wait for digestion to finish and I could make a conclusion on the Volcano taco.
As I was driving , I had to be stopped at a red light. I was waiting as a convertible pulled up, top down. 
The driver was a male in the late 50's to early 60's who was balding. He was cranking NPR. Loud music and convertibles always conjure images of rebels, renegades, rock and rollers. The thoughts of " Runnin' with the devil" by Van Halen, "Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf, or "Bad to the Bone"By George Thorogood and the Destroyers. Not NPR promoting a commercial for "...Says you" or a public service announcement about national endowment for the arts fund raiser gala ball. The light turned green, the NPR faded and I turned into the parking lot and went back to work. A few hours later I went to the bathroom and here's a representative idea of what happened.
