Indian Elvis, Bums, and more

So I came up with a new movie idea. G.I. Juggalo, Imagine if you will a fat kid with an eye brow ring, and ICP face paint trying to reason with terrorist foreigners. So at one point in the last two weeks I was at work as usual. I was called up front for some reason, usually I get called up from the basement to go downstairs and find something. Why they don't call me on the phone in the stock room is beyond me. I get upstairs and one of the cashiers tells me that there is a bum passed out infront of the door. I proceed to walk over to him and tell him to wake up and leave. No response, so I yell. No response. So I lean forward cup my hands near his ear and yell. He half opens one eye and goes back to sleep. Then I repeat only louder, and tell him to leave. He starts getting up and leaving and asks 30 people around him for a cigarette. At that point some old guy comes over and starts talking to me. "Its a shame man, people can get that way.You can try to help but what good is it." and I dont really care what the guy is saying so I just nod my head and talk a half step toward the door. He then says "Ya, I'm a recovering alcoholic for 23 years. I feel for these people ya know, I tried to help this one girl once, she was passed out it was raining and the middle of the night and I was leaving my job so I stopped and put her in my car and took her to my house"....at this point I wait for him to tell me he then killed her or hid her body or something so now I start looking back into the store and take a step towards the door, cuz I dont care what hes saying, and I wanna go back to the basement. He says "I told her to shower, eat, get cleaned up and Ill take you intown in themorning" then he said he went to sleep on his couch on the first floor and she was in the bedroom on the thirdfloor. BLAH BLAH BLAH I DONT CARE.... Then he says "I woke up, she was gone, and my wallet was emptied, she stole $3000 from me" No I make another big step towards the door trying to ditch him and he follows me and then he says "And I'll be damnedm the next day I was walking by right there" takes his hand out of his coat pocket and I see one of these fucking things pointing across the street At this point Im done listening and looking around trying to end the conversation.He rambles on another minute or two and stares down the street and says "I Gotta go" and walks off. He Ditched me, before I could ditch him. WTF. I go back in the store thinking about what had happened. A drunk,possible rapist, with one hand just did the classic "Oh... I gotta go" and rushed off thing to me, while I was trying to do that to him. On top of that, he was in the store 20 seconds after I walked in and was there for a while. I Dont know what Planters Corn Nuts are exactly, but they are crunchy and good. And $1 Earlier this week I was leaving work getting on the train at downtown crossing. I went through the turnstyles, down the stairs to the platform, and I took a left at the bottom of the stairs and almost walked into GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSS He does this move like hes conducting an orchestra or trying to hug a huge bear. Well his arms were on the swing back to give a hug and if I hadn't stopped where I did, I woulda been trapped by the GOT ANY SPARE CHANGE BUM and I think he would have trapped me like a venus fly trap until I paid him to let go. I got my haircut last weekend at Sebastians in Roslindale. I was sitting there late Saturday afternoon last in line, minding my business when this lady opens the door and asks "You guys got any coffee in here?" The old Italian immigrant barbers looked at her like "WTF? Its a barbershop" after they said no, she trailed in a parade of three tards. The first immediately seeing a coffee cup on the table and screaming as high as I have ever heard any one scream and storming across the room more powerful than a pro football player. She tried to grab him and he dragged her across the room( she was a hefty woman of about 300 lbs, and this guy was maybe 6 feet tall and 120 pounds...retard strength?) SO after she gets him to leave and calm him down, the barbers hide the cups, and they re-enter the establishment. Only now the guy wont stop screaming and he's looking around frantically. I get seated to get my hair cut, and the screaming continues. The screamer guy is sitting next to me and screaming. There is a tv on with some college football game on, and the guy is watching and screaming. The vinnie babarino barber cutting his hair said "you must got money on the game too, sounds like more than me. UNC wont cover the spread, I feel ya man" The guy is screaming still as I paid and left.