Game Time

Im home. The line was long but quick moving! The Gamestop kid told me they had 500 total preorders and I estimated the line at about 100 upon my arrival. MW2 already got me out for borking my TGI Friday trip by supplying a $5 coupon ....I'm about to take a casual stroll through a mission to satiate my anticipation. Note : I did ask a Gamestop employee if I would be able to purchase Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box. His answer "uh...if you really want to, I guess"

And...

I definitely am stuck behind the clueless mom from earlier

This line...

Stretches all the way past Payless Shoesource, past Panera to the
entrance of Target. I shoulda packed a cooler.

25 minutes and counting

The soothing sounds of Brandy and Monique's collaborative effort " The Boy is Mine" fill my ears after numerous Coors Light drafts , and a teriyaki bacon burger filled my stomach. A commercial for MW2 just played during Monday Night Football, my co-worker and my eyes just lit up. We briefly discussed out strategies for playing. I'm planning on beating single player. He is taking the multiplayer route to start and 1 single player mission a day. Im eager to see the midnight madness at gamestop

"200" people?

There's 3 kids in there. Im sure I saw a mother drop off 2 kids like its
a bowling alley.

More MW2 shennigans...

I just plunked down the remaining $30 for my pre-order. It took longer
than expected because a clueless mom was struggling to comprehend how to
pick up the pre order for her kid. "So I just paid in full...can I have
it now?" "No, we can not give the game to anyone before 12" "But its
paid for, when can I get it?" "12 midnight, just present this receipt
and we will hand you the game, easy as that" "I can't stay here for
another 6 hours" "Well, we anticipate a long line so the earlier you can
show up the quicker you can get your copy" "Im the first one here right
now, can I have it its paid for"
Repeat this exchange with variant questions and points including "this
is for the ps3 right?" "yes, that is what you asked for. When you
present your receipt at midnight we will hang you a copy for PS3,its all
set" and "So when you open at 12,I can walk in? Should I show up at
12:45 after lines have died?" "We aren't closing, we do anticipate long
lines and people getting in line at 9 or 10.." "But you said no one
would get a copy before 12!" "Those people will be waiting until then"
for 3 minutes. The second Gamestop employee finally showed up, logged
on to his register, took my $30 and told me about what's going on. I
saved him the trouble of explaining by saying "I'll be back in a couple
hours" When I left the lady was still talking. Hopefully she doesn't
hold the line up.

Video Game Geekdom: Modern Warfare 2

My copy of MW2 is probably in the stock room of my local Gamestop. I am extremely excited and have an iron clad game plan for the midnight release festivities. A majority of my "PSN Friends" are picking the game up sometime this week. One of my co-workers will be joining me at the midnight launch. I will be in full geek mode, bringing my already broken in controller with me so I can play in the store. Ill get comfortable with my own controller so when I get home I can buckle down and get my first prestige by dawn. I'll be chatting with the "200" close friends of the Gamestop, partying up, talking shop with gamers , winning give aways , wearing freebie shirts and being excited for the 10 second count down at 11:59:50.

Actually, I will be working until 9:30 across the plaza from said Gamestop. As will my co-worker. We also will be with in walking distance of a hand full of chain restaurants. Our plan is to hang at the bar, get some kicking appetizers Guy Fieri style. Maybe purchasing some dessert for some hot and single ladies, just like the commercials would want us to do. They would invite us over to sit, have a drink, and chat us up. We would be so close to going home with them, until they ask us what we are doing in the area. Something tells me spilling the beans we are waiting for a midnight video game release, and killing time drinking at T.G.I. Fridays would not appeal to a couple of women looking for a good time. At least I could get some use out of my So-Cal, free wheelin', rock 'n rollin', club shirt with flames, my sweat bands, my Vans off the Walls,my wallet chain, my Oakley shades and 1990s era ska band frosted tips! At 11:45 we plan on strolling leisurely over to the game store to pick up our copies. I might be 6 or 7 deep and full of deep fried green beans by the time I arrive to Gamestop. In all honesty, I expect the store to be fairly empty. People may trickle in and out to make their purchase. With any luck I'll be standing around long enough to get a free T-shirt. I will take photo evidence of anyone that sports the NVG's. I can see my co-worker popping his on and driving home with no headlights. Ill be finding my way home to play for about an hour. I have to work Tuesday so I won't be able to get any quality time in shooting terrorists. Wednesday and Thursday will be a different story. The fridge is stocked with Monster energy drinks and Coors Light. I also stocked up on Celeste pizza, ramen and pop tarts.

To mentally prepare gamingwise, I have been playing Pain (out of necessity) to cleanse my pallete of war time shooting games. I do not want to keep any subconscious habits from games like the previous Call of Duty games, Socom, Metal Gear, Red Faction and the Orange Box. I have high expectations for MW2's single player and multiplayer games. I also am looking forward to having a game most of my PS3 buddies have that we can all play together. Stay tuned for more MW2 hype and excitement as I get closer to acquiring the biggest game of the year.

Video Game Geekdom: M.A.G.

I've been excited for M.A.G. since I heard about it. A Massive Action Game of up to 256 players,simultaneous,first person,team death match, objective squad based combat. I am a fan of all these. I loved the intensity of Team Fortress Classic and Halo 2 multiplayer games. I recently got a code to beta test MAG before the full release in January 2010. I'm well aware that the game I have been playing is not the final version but I got a few things to say for sure. The graphics are ok. They are somewhere between Ps2 and Ps3, I figure they have to dumb it down to handle everything that is happening in the massive environments.

One of the big focal points of this game is the massive teams, and breaking teams down into 16 man squads, with a squad leader, an 4 squads with a platoon leader.squad leaders can call in mustard gas and another feature I have not seen yet, platoon leaders can set mission objective map markers and some other stuff. The key of all of this is communication, so plug in your headset. If you or your squad need support to blow up an AA gun, or enemy barracks you need to call out on your mic to your squad leader, who will call the platoon leader who will direct other squads to focus attacks on the objective. Right now in the beta you can qualify as a leader after x amount of experience points. If you are designated as a leader and have no mic you are no where as near effective. There is no text chat, and preset commands only ask for back up, medics, vehicle pick ups etc,This is communicated by a pre recorded voice over. If your team mates hear it, there is no indication other than a small icon on your HUD, which is clustered with other on screen icons and doesn't give you a distance, just a general direction. I would like to see the implement of a smart squad leader selection where it allows only qualified players with mics to take leadership roles for easy communication of direction, and a distance measurement below help request icons so you know if it is worth running to revive a downed teammate or not. If these features are improved, we will see in the final build hopefully.

Another issue I am having trouble with is the credit system for weapons and equipment. Each player has 3200 credits you can spend on any combo of armor, weapons,grenades and support equipment. You unlock upgrades for each weapon but there is no way to acquire more funds.Not sure if this is beta exclusive, but it really limits all classes to maybe one of any 8 combinations .

For the most part any programming errors do not seem to be effecting game play. I haven't experienced any frame rates dropping in the middle of a big fire fight with smoke, explosions, fires, vehicles etc. I also have not seen any clipping issues. One of the smallest snags seems to be waiting to spawn you have a camera shot of an area of the field and you can sweep the view left and right, only in one area the camera is under a bridge and you sweep left and right and only see the top of the bridge, hindering any view of the action and the ability to call out enemy positions to your team mates.

Game play is pretty frantic. It seems a lot of people are fresh to the game and spend a good 10 minutes of their first game learning the map, weapon functions and controls. Coupled with a 15-30 second respawn time there is the chance that an opposing team with experienced players will steam roll you and your team of "n00bs" leaving you in respawn limbo, only to get 5 seconds of game play before you suffer an expertly executed head shot from across the map from a level 40 player. If you survive you are racing for cover, vehicles, turrets and a good vantage point to pick off enemies. With 63 players behind you, and 64 across from you with grenades, gunfire, in game voices yelling for medics, players with microphones calling for support, giving directions and calling out enemy snipers you feel like you are in the middle of an all out war.

So far I would recommend the beta if you get a code, how ever with final releases of Uncharted 2 and Brutal Legend's multiplayer already running, Borderlands in the next week or so, and Modern Warfare 2 in a month, the multiplayer scene will be focused on those final versions,Beta testers may leave for a final mupliplayer title and a community with depth. After the release hype of Uncharted and Borderlands dies down and the anticipation of MW2 ruling the scene for a while, I can see January still being a big month for all games. Revisit the MAG community after the gift giving season and winter break ends to see if other established title's online communities die down and see if MAG can start a strong community in late January. I have seen almost no MAG press coverage other than an odd preview article after E3 , some chatter on podcasts and the blogs. Out of the 2 Gamestops I've been to in the last week, they told me they are seeing no buzz, low preorders , and almost 0 interest in MAG. Hang on to $60... see what is coming out in January (Bioshock 2) or after and make a decision.

Fuckin FPS players ruining my reputation....

(The First, Best and Definitive First Person Shooter)

I'm a big video game fan and player. I'm modest in my abilities because I realize I am awful. I play casually and often am harassed and teased by others for being a "gamer". I am going to try to set the record straight and clear my name. Yes, I enjoy video games, but I am not one of the people worth mocking. I enjoy First Person Shooter games, which by nature are looked down upon as the most pathetic, over indulgent, violent, and simple game that any neanderthal could pick up besides anything in the Madden series, Ya Dood. I have plenty of experience in PC and console multiplayer online FPS games: Halo 1 and 2, Rainbow Six games, Quake, Team Fortress Classic, The Orange Box, Call of Duty, Unreal Tournament, and the list could go on, I think I can say that I have the knowledge and authority to speak about games and other gamers. If you disagree, tough nuggets. Sign into your account, challenge me to a game, join my party, sit next to me on my couch and witness who I end up getting matched against in various games and then dispute my statement. N00b

The Redneck FPS'er is some one we all have played against. Usually its a male with a Southern Accent who takes great offense to people from other countries. Usually late night games involve people in Europe that are 6 or more hours ahead of U.S. time so late night games are usually flooded with people speaking a foreign language and angry Rednecks screaming at them to speak English. Rednecks also get very very upset when some one takes their weapon or vehicle of choice. They assume every player in the world knows that they are the best with a Sniper rifle, or Tank and will make it clear to not disrespect them by picking up a weapon at a spawn point. The Redneck also is an internet tough guy and calls everyone a bitch or a faggot or uses the ever relevant and funny "Your mother..." jokes to verbally beat down any one who challenges them. One of the most obnoxious ways you realize you have a shitty Redneck FPS'er is the constant background noise on their mic's. Barking dogs, nagging wives, neglected children crying the whole match. I can only imagine a big fat wife with a mumu on and rollers in her hair, one child hanging off each tit, standing in the corner of the trailer while Mr. Cool FPS'er is kicks the dog for walking in front of the TV ruining a perfect no scope headshot and blowing the match. These people are the scum that give Gamers and FPS players a bad image.

The Trench Coat Mobster is too much of a time bomb with mental issues that is rejected by the military. The Trench Coat Mobster is notorious for long gaming sessions. During these long gaming sessions with his "clan" he often will use military lingo and try to employ military strategies. If you stray from his plan, or fail to cover this head case, or lose the match he will explode, get out of control because he takes the game personally. Life or death. Over the top does not decribe this guys attitude. He's preparing for war. Against the football players, the science teacher and even the cops. Watch your back after you play, he will be holding the Alpha team in position ready to breach your door, plant a C4 device, and fire on command. Take no prisoners, give no mercy.

The Juggalo Homie 420 Hip Hop crew are obnoxious, often similar to the Redneck. Most of these players have 420 in their player names ex: Juggalo420 , xXBurnin420Xx , 420BongRippa and so on. They also call everyone bitch. Even if they loose the Juggalo Homies will talk shit after the match like they won, often citing your mother as an insult. They also announce from time to time what they are smoking or drinking and if their girlfriend is next door, and every player playing is a virgin and cant get laid. Audio channels are also drowned out by today's blazin' new hip hop. Kotton Mouth Kings, ICP, Lil Wayne, or any other stuff that is suppose to be intimidating to crank for 30 minutes at a time. These skinny brats wearing basket ball jerseys, side ways hats and big gold pendants on chains purchased at the silver pagoda in the middle of the mall have no idea how much they embarass themselves when they open their mouth, and cause so much negative attention to other video game players.

7 year olds are my personal top perpentraters of giving the idea of playing games a negative connotation. They camp out, use the same cheap tactics and strategies, "own noobs", have obnoxious prepubescent high voices, are on late at night when any logical parents would tell little Ryder,Tucker, Hunter, or Shiloh to be in bed early on a school night. If there are a few of them in a game or party they probably are friends in real life and party up to play, and often talk nonsense shit about school to each other. Sorry Ryder, no one has any desire to hear about how you had a Pee fight with Jacob after 4th period. These players make everyone feel like a shithead when they lose to children. And makes you feel like a shithead for beating children. Its a children's game if they play. The world thinks you enjoy childrens games and playing with children. I enjoy playing video games.

The last problematic player of FPS games that is most detremental to reputation is the Super Fan Uber Gamer. This guy has 10000 hrs logged in, has every video game and is an expert at all of them. His user name is usually some Japanese Anime character or Final Fantasy character's name "SepirothSushimi" The Uber Gamer enjoys using glitches to show off skills. He is everywhere at one time killing you and your teammates with out giving you a fucking second to get your bearings of here you are on the map. This asshole also keeps his mic on the whole match and just breathes in a labored fashion because the weight of his chest is crushing his lungs. Between swigs of mountain dew and mixed handfuls of skittles and cheetos, this guy will keep his Kill/Death ratio above 2.0. This guy is the the ruler of his clan. He ruins gaming for every one else because he is the supreme winner, chancellor of excellence, and knows every trick in the book to maintain his virtual superiority. His dedication and fear of day light keep him gaming long hours and give the misconception that all gamers are extreme oddities and antisocial unclean condescending savants.

To put things in perspective, I like to consider myself a casual gamer. I enjoy gaming, I like FPS games, I keep my mouth shut during matches, I don't have strategies. I play to play, win or lose. Of course I enjoy winning, but if I dont so be it. Its just a game, and I dont need to call people a bitch because of it. I how ever get more annoyed and worked up being lumped in with the assholes that play games and give regular Joe everyday working members of society a bad wrap.

Journey into Mystery

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I was up late reading about Snuggi, Shamwow and other As Seen on TV cult favorites. I ended up calling it a night around 5:00 am. I had to be at work at 12:45. I figured if I slept until 11 or so I would be able to function. That wasn't the case. My lovely neighbors seem to be obsessed with shovels. It was in the mid 50's today and of course they were out there breaking up ice patches and scooping them. It has not snowed lately, yet they are almost always out there. I did not get to sleep as much as I was planning on and stayed awake. I played through a few levels of Dig Dug 2 then got ready for work. I was over tired and already feeling sick and queasy. I can't drink coffee any more so I was thinking of alternatives. Monster Energy. 24 oz can. 240 mg of caffeine. I would need to drink an estimated 47 cans at 24oz each for it to kill me. Or so http://www.energyfiend.com/death-by-caffeine has lead me to believe. I also had the bright idea to have try a 5 hr energy. I get to the gas station near my work and purchase a XXL can and a bottle of 5 hour energy which has an estimated 60-100 mg of caffeine per bottle. And I bought some Cheetos.

I arrived at work. Punched in, had a bagel then I cracked open the can and bottle and shit got crazy. I tried the 5 Hour Energy first. This was my first 5 Hour Energy experience. I opened the tiny bottle and peeled off the wrapper to find a nondescript white bottle with a red cap. I could easily see my self in a hotel rushing to get ready for an important business meeting at the corporate offices with the big wigs, putting my bottle of 5 Hour Energy down as I shave, and picking up a bottle of trial size shampoo and downing it. With out being able to distinguish the difference in taste between Hampton Inn Shampoo and 5 Hour Energy. This shit was horrible. It was bitter. It smelled like the garbage can does when there is a puddle of mystery garbage juice in it. It stunk. I downed it at 1:00 pm on the dot, then had to chase it with Monster.

I love Monster, I've drank more than enough in my life to know what to expect. I opened the cap to the can. (Yes, the can had a cap, it is like a bottle of Mutagen or a pipe bomb) and there was flowing steam or smoke that billowed out with a little coaxing (see above video). I took a swig and eventually finished the can in 5-10 minutes. Within a few minutes I did feel awake, alert, and motivated to be at work and do something. I got plenty of stuff done. I signed a time card, printed out twenty five (25) to thirty (30) new forms. I organized the forms and placed them in my binder. I consulted with Egan about fantasy baseball. I figured out a way to tap into a closed circuit surveillance system I use and have a tape on loop like the scene in Speed with Sandra Bullock. I didn't feel like stuff was out of control. I had a touch of a headache but I was working and focused.

Then I started spacing out at the beginning of hour number 2. I was running out of tasks to get done for the day. I had 20 eyes in my head, I was seeing all,knowing all, being all. I felt like I was flying into the danger zone. Or maybe just a zone I have not been in for a long time: Wide awake with energy.I ran riot in my office looking for two non sharpened pencils to use as drum sticks so I could rock along to 1991 Billboard top 100 hit "Everything Changes" - By Kathy Troccoli \m/<('o')>\m/ and successfully finding online communities, chat rooms, forums and blogs about Alton Brown and his current Ben Franklin like hair.

Around 4:00, the third hour of my experience things got interesting. My mind was racing. I felt like the Flash when hes running at the speed of light and everything around him freezes. I was time travelling. I started to revisit bad movie ideas, jokes, and ideas I have had for a long long time. I thought about the documentary I want to make: "Barefoot in Berlin" which would be about Hippies that travel time to stop World War II. I would first need to have a time machine to go to San Francisco in the early 1960's and convince the hippies to go back in time to 1930s Germany as Hitler was building Nazi power. The hippies would then diffuse the situation by placing flowers in guns, making Peace signs on Mercedes Benz logos and getting Hitler to drop acid and have a one nut wonder love in. My mind started to wonder trying to figure out a set up to why I think the phrase "Hope Hogan" was funny. Perhaps a Christian Wrestler? or maybe our next President with a new slogan of "Hope" instead of "Change". Hope Hogan in 2012. And other racing, non-sense thoughts : Monster has Taurine. I know if take away the TA and it spells Urine which is essentially the chemical compound in Monster or some shit. And Shroud of Turin rhymes with Urine, unlike Taurine which is spelled similar to Urine but doesn't rhyme. Either way The Shroud of Turin has Jesus' face imprint, and like Jesus, the concoction I tried today could raise the dead. I feel my body temperature is a bit higher and my stomach feels nervous.

My fourth hour started around 5:oo pm as I ate my sandwich, a caffeine free diet Dr. Pepper and a bag of Cheetos. At that time, I was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. I figured if I am ever: bored, tired, need to pretend to be on coke/meth or need become really aware and quick enough to be good at video games in an emergency situation, I should keep these drinks on tap 24-7. Then I figured I wouldn't last long and could suffer the same consequences of using the real drugs. I took a quick walk around the parking lot to get some fresh air and tried to focus. My super powers were fading. I was growing tired and I yawned. I got back to my office and fucked around with my radio trying to regain reception to no avail.

I started coming down around 6:00 pm. I had another caffeine free diet Dr. Pepper. I didn't want to push my limits. I didn't want to pull Brian Pillman and have my heart explode at the hotel before my match against Dude Love at In Your House : Badd Blood. I started trying to relax and calm down by thinking about going home and playing video games, eating, and finally sleeping. Then I started worrying about if I was going to be playing Playstation. Would I remember to use the Mp-40 dual mag, bouncing betty, juggernaut, martyrdom, ordinance custom class? Or would my spaced out ass forget and have to use a Mosin Nagant with double special grenades, double tap and toss back perks and make my K/D ratio dip below 1.00? I also feared about waking up and having shit all over my bed like Trainspotting, or a baby crawling on the ceiling twisting its head backwards.

I got home not too long ago. I made my two tamales and ate them. I'm trying to keep my shit together with out hallucinating and thinking there are gnarly radioactive zombie dogs, like the ones the Incredible Hulk fights in the 2003 movie with Eric Bana , waiting to eat my face off while I sleep defenselessly in my bed with no strength to even yell for help. As it stands now, my stomach aches, my head hurts, my piss is glowing in the dark and I feel like a bus ran over me. My only option is to have this rocket fuel cocktail tomorrow and try to stay awake at work.

Hatred Burger?

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

- Yoda

They say you are what you eat, and if the Whopper is angry, then by the associative property, I am angry as well. Anger gets you to be the baddest ass of all bad guys/magicians/dudes with special powers. Once I join the Dark Side I'll be having Jedi lightening battles with Darth Rory, collecting Light sabers and shit and choking old British dudes with the raise of an eye brow. I'm on my way to being a heartless, intergalactic tyrant if I start with with the Angry Whopper. I realized all of this today at work, in between sorting 3 months worth of register receipts, reading online message boards about Metal Gear and getting pissed at people for stealing all my pens. After my Angry Whopper, no more would any one fuck with my private Paper Mate draw, I'd force choke or launch a trash can at them or use Jedi mind tricks to convince them my pens were not the pens they were looking for. I clocked out of work and embarked on a journey to the local Burger King. I hopped in my trusty sky blue, dented, early model,sensible,fuel efficient,not so flashy, Japanese imported sedan, and pondered if I did become angry and evil enough to roll with Darth Vader, would I trade this bitch in for a sweet jet fighter with lasers and shit. I arrived to Burger King just as I finished rocking the fuck out to "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles \m/. My hands are still sore from pounding the steering wheel like a drum set. Burger King #01302 was the start of my quest for intergalactic superiority and honing my anger. 259 Cochituate Rd Framingham. I arrive to a smiling jovial face. I never picked up the woman's name. The poor woman was unaware of the utter evil she was facilitating. I placed my order "one large ANGRY WHOPPER combo meal!" I demanded. I was asked to pay $8.18. I presented my legal tender, and was handed my change and receipt stating my order was order #7. I filled up my large cup with Diet Coke and looked over the dining room. It was a deluge of people, young and old all present to take part of the Angry Whopper, Double stacker, and other Burger King treats and novelties. I was nervous I was going to have to take my meal to my rusty sky blue, dented, early model,sensible,fuel efficient,not so flashy, Japanese imported sedan. I then did some of the Jedi mind trick shit I've been working on and the dining room emptied. I chose my seat. For historical purposes I document my seat. Number 7 was then called, and my order was presented. One tray, one order of fries, one Angry Whopper. I was in for a big surprise that was for sure. I was about to experience one of the most terrifying things ever......

Hatred Burger

I unwrapped the Angry Whopper and felt like I was in an episode of Quantum Leap in a 1940s death camp. I experienced a life time of fear. I felt my life was about to end. I was afraid of the visions that would haunt me until my pending end. Jalapenos burned my mouth, similar to how vikings would burn villages. I could get no relief. I took a sip of my Diet Coke and felt betrayed by its ineffectiveness. My mouth was still burning. The tangy onions took me for a naive fool. I figured onion rings are always a safe bet. An aromatic treat, not these onions. They were born of Hell. The Jalapeno sauce raged fury on my taste buds. I was growing increasingly fearful until I became so frustrated, so helpless my fear turned to anger. I figured the only way to stop by fear was to banish this Angry Whopper from existence. I took a second bite out of anger...and because the bacon was good too. I was determined to not let this hatred burger strike me down. I took more bites. I drank more soda. I was in a blind frenzy of anger. It was like Friday the 13th part IV : The Final Chapter. Tommy Jarvis shaves his head, then goes down stairs and starts hacking at Jason and repeatedly hacking and saying "Die!, Die!, Die!, Die!" I begin to Hate Eat this burger. I chanted the mantra of "EAT! EAT! EAT!" in my head with every crushing motion of my jaw. I let some onion rings suffer on the wrapper.

I turned on my Frypod video.

. Then cranked "Addicted to spuds" I enjoyed this burger. I let out an menacing laugh as I contemplated the burger. I was angry enough to push a toddler down some stairs, go to Toys R Us rip a Barbie out of a little girls hand and drop kick it across the store then give her mom a roundhouse, steal her mini-van, rob a bank, use all the money to pay for hookers with aids to go around and have unprotected sex with just about any one I graduated high school with. $8.18 for a pretty dense burger, fries and a soda at Burger King. Mildly spicy/hot. If you get a Jalapeno by it self in a bite, or with a little of the sauce or a tomato or something you do feel the spiciness of the Jalapeno. How ever it does get lost in the mixing and melding of all the other flavors, the beef, the bacon, the cheese, onion rings etc. This would be a proper hatred propaganda burger at a chain restaurant for $10 with some better fries. I clean my tray, refill my cup and leave. I'm no Jedi yet. I contemplated the events that have transpired. The fear, anger, hatred and suffering I have experienced and the exacerbated mastication that caused all it. I got into my rusty sky blue, dented, early model,sensible,fuel efficient,not so flashy, Japanese imported sedan and rode off into the sunset leaving in wake my first lesson in Dark Jedi training.

Later on I did stop at Office Max. It was desolate. One (1) cashier, and one (1) person on the sales floor, and I (me) were the only ones (3) in the store. I was there on work related business. To make one (1) $0.08 cent copy. I approached the photo copy area and discovered I needed a key/swipe card to operate the photocopiers and make my one (1) photo copy. I approached one (1) the gentle, downtrodden old soul at the one (1) cash register and asked if he could make one (1) copy for me with out me having to go through the trouble of creating a key card to use the photocopier for one (1) copy. He informed me that there would be zero (o) problem and asked if I could hold on one (1) minute for my one (1) photocopy to be made. I was willing to wait one (1) minute possibly more (2-∞) . He paged the one (1) other sales associate in the store to make the one (1) photo copy. The young girl with the tired,defeated eyes of a refugee who has lost everything, even the will to live approaches the copy center, takes my one (1) sheet and makes one (1) copy as the one (1) cashier rings me up $0.08 for one (1) photocopy. I hand him a dime ($0.10) and he hands me back two (2) pennies. I feel guilty being the only one (1) in the store shopping and browse around. I find two (2) boxes of pens. Each one (1) box of pens has twelve (12) pens. I purchase two (2) for $1.00 each. The one (1) cashier rings up my purchase and my grand total comes to $2.10. I hand the cashier two (2) one (1) dollar bills and one (1) dime . I take my two (2) boxes of twelve (12) pens each and wish the one (1) man at the register and the one (1) sales associate on the floor to have a goodnight and proceed to my trusty sky blue, dented, early model,sensible,fuel efficient,not so flashy, Japanese imported sedan satisfied with my abundance of pens , which my soon to be acquired Jedi lightening skills will protect from would be pen theives. Approximate fours (4) hours late I face the vengence of the Angry Whopper and I soon find out suffering. The Angry Whopper haunts my mind with the stern statement "When I left you, I was but a learner. But, Now, I am the master." I make a break for the bath room at work and I feel less angry. Then I fear more suffering when I discover....How I get my self out of this situation is a long, sordid tale of cunning, resourcefulness, interpersonal communications, trigonometry and diversity. Much much more than I could ever explore in the remainder of this post, but will be left for a future post.